I killed the day. I may as well have cut off its head and mounted it on my wall. Let it be known that Saturday, June 11th, 2016 was struck dead between the eyes by NineCaliber.

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Don't chase the white rabbit, don't chase the white rabbit, don't chase the white rabbit--

This was a really eventful weekend. Went to BABSCon 2016. Came home and my big brother is here visiting from Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Not a surprise, and I love my brother (he's a major reason I'm such a nerd today--the guy collects Star Wars and Strawberry Shortcake for heavens sake) BUT OH MY GOD. If I thought his wife visiting was an extended trip through awkward city, this shit is worse. Yesterday we had a barbecue and everyone got drunk. Husband got mad at having to deal with the in-law BS

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Baloo, my big brother, is going back to Guantanamo Bay today. He drove me crazy half the time, and yet I'm still sad he's going. SmallCaliber seemed confused as to why his uncle was packing his stuff and leaving us behind. I managed to not cry.

I even forgot to take my meds yesterday, so I feel lethargic and achey. Fun.

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chased the white rabbit

lost writing time

dumb

Sometimes I find myself so provoked to type out my thoughts, it becomes a compulsion. I'm not saying that with any kind of jest--I really do enter these weird "binge and purge" cycles (as my therapist calls it) to indulge in projects, large or small. It usually starts out innocent. A kind of a, "Hey, this would be fun to do!" kind of thing. Then the pressure steadily builds, and I suffer thought interference to an extreme level. I'll be doing something only to stop and start doing that thing

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is kind of the range of thoughts I'm having atm. roller coaster day. I think I just gotta channel some inner-Japanese spunk and remember to:

all over the place chatter below (including personal stuff, game talk, and a small steaming pile of political poo)

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Angst. And music. But also angst.

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I tried to come up with some clever rhyme on the spot, but I really am pressed for time. White rabbit is fucking with me today.

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more personal things after the break.

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I'm feeling some kind of weird side effects

headache

sleepy

numb

I'm coming off zoloft

getting on prozac

dunno which is the culprit but it sucks hard

pretty honest about my health since it tends to affect my writing

always have been

not a cry for help (please it's really not) I'm even taking a low dose

it's just my sitch atm

making use of my amazon prime subscription and watching stuff

first a crappy documentary about some killer named peter tobin

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If freckles were lovely, and day was night,
And measles were nice and a lie warn't a lie,
Life would be delight,-
But things couldn't go right
For in such a sad plight
I wouldn't be I.

If earth was heaven, and now was hence,
And past was present, and false was true,
There might be some sense
But I'd be in suspense
For on such a pretense
You wouldn't be you.

If fear was plucky, and globes were square,
And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee

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Holy cow. I'm going to write out what just happened in the last two hours because I have a lot of feelings going on inside of me, and I don't know what to do about them. Sometimes doing memoir writing helps me to process things. It's a bit stream of consciousness, and yes it will be rough. I'm not trying to publish anything, after all.

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Reactionary (maybe alarmist?) thinking below. I say that because I'm trying to process some stuff that has been tossed into my sphere of thinking in the last week, and I have yet to find any counter sources that might anchor these views. Stream of consciousness about the economy, and society, and the future. I'm perfectly aware that this is just a starting point, and not the end point, of where I stand on the state of the world today. It's such a big thing to make any final calls on with any

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After the page break, find my thoughts on the Colorado shooting, family and karma, and the need to understand violence.

It's a long post.

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I was extremely depressed and wrote a one-shot thing. Now I feel less depressed.

Read it?

Another general "dear diary" type post. Page break to spare the feeds of those uninterested. Mostly ruminations on life, family, and the healing nature of writing. Also, some project updates here and there. And potentially video game talk. I like video games.

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After that blog I did two days ago, I told myself: "No, I won't blog anything. I can resist blogging."

Ha.

tl;dr -- I gush about how my family has embraced MLP, I worry about life lessons for my son via ponies, and I dread the future of our favorite cartoon.

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